因为爱你以不放弃.

2012-01-24T11:08:00.000-08:00

Waiting for answers.

Another special day being normal

2012-01-22T08:43:00.000-08:00

Happy CNY to everyone i know.
You, you and you!!!
Yes you, that is reading this.
Know that you are blessed by me mwahaha!

Don't trust too much on people that can stand to gain.

I wonder, and i can only wonder

2012-01-19T22:20:00.001-08:00

I still blog like flames if you remember.

Your voice is music to my ears

2012-01-12T09:44:00.001-08:00

My Love Will Get You Home

2012-01-12T03:47:00.001-08:00

Trust

2012-01-10T08:06:00.001-08:00

I may trust people easily, but there is only a few that i trust whole heartedly.
And those that i trust totally, I would give my heart and a knife altogether.

I'm dying if this is a test.
I'm really dying if this is real.

Sigh

2012-01-10T00:27:00.000-08:00

Humans makes mistake.
If he can own up, isn't he taking responsibility?
If he is trying to make up, isn't he being repentant?
If he is in pain, do you think he wants this to happen?
He would have thought of it for a long time, else he would not even admit.
What he seeks is not immediate forgiveness, but understanding for being honest.
He wants to be accepted for the painful truth.

He wants to make up the wrongs with all the rights.

Do onto others what you want others to do onto you

Feelings that came back never left

2012-01-08T19:57:00.000-08:00

Unimportant

2012-01-08T05:16:00.000-08:00

The cold wind that blows into this wide empty gap..

I need a sign.

2012-01-08T00:02:00.000-08:00

Urgh!

Simple Love

2012-01-07T21:11:00.000-08:00

Nobody's perfect.

2012-01-06T21:34:00.000-08:00

I'll catch you if you fall.

Truly deeply madly

2012-01-05T08:52:00.000-08:00

The crushing feeling of an aching heart.

My two cents

2012-01-03T05:07:00.000-08:00

Never run too much, because when reality gets to you one day, it's going to be a hard blow to take.

Just some thoughts

2012-01-01T20:44:00.000-08:00

How much are you willing to give up for the one you love?
Because if you really want that person to be happiest, you are the one able to make the person happiest as you care the most.
Despite all the hurts you may have caused, you should know you can make it up way better.
Never feel undeserving when the person still wants you, because he loves you for who you are.
Be worried when he doesn't care anymore.
(However, this doesn't applies to players.)

If getting with someone was that easy, would you treasure the relationship?
I believe easy relationship doesn't last because all relationship will end up having problems.
It's whether both parties are willing to stay together and solve it.
Relationship is like a house, the problem comes when there is a blackout. One will have to fix the bulb and the other should stay. If it's fixed and the other leaves, he who leaves is running away from the problem. Staying to support and assisting is key. No offence to anyone but just some thoughts.

It's easy to fall in love with someone, but it's not easy to stay in love with someone.
The value of a relationship grows in direct proportion to the time spent on it.
It will only end when both gives up.
Probably i'm going to end up forever alone.

2011

2011-12-30T18:03:00.000-08:00

2012 is coming!
Looking forward to a more awesome year.
I hope i can be really happy today. (:

Distance & Time

2011-12-30T17:19:00.001-08:00

I need a doctor

2011-12-25T07:47:00.001-08:00

^^

2011-12-22T21:51:00.000-08:00

Never thought that one day i would lose you

2011-12-22T03:11:00.001-08:00

Everyone deserves to be loved.
So whoever that is reading this post, don't escape from love.
Falling in love may hurt, but getting hurt is a process of love.
Stay on and you will understand the other party and get better.
But just remember to not do things that you would regret.

So don't be afraid to love or be loved.
Accept and let nature takes it's progress.

if only i could reach you and warm you

2011-12-21T20:51:00.000-08:00

Well I wonder could it be
When I was dreaming 'bout you baby you were dreaming of me

I'll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings
And make sure everything is alright

So sad but true
For me there's only you

Baby, baby please believe me
Find it in your heart to reach me
Promise not to leave me behind

So show me the light
And tell me that things will turn out right
It cuts like a knife
When you say things won't turn out right

Bottled

2011-11-28T09:27:00.001-08:00

Feels like i may just snap soon.
So much thoughts, so much work, so much worries, so much sadness.
I wished i never existed.
There's so much to work for.
I feel so sad to not have enough time to spend.
I don't know how to smile anymore.

Bad day

2011-11-04T08:17:00.000-07:00

So tiring to keep anger down..

Sigh.

Special Day with special friends

2011-11-03T09:31:00.000-07:00

2 November is my birthday.

At 12 midnight, i got my first birthday wishing. (:

Then came Kaho, Shawn and GuanRong.

We chat and slacked.

After that sent GR&KH to Tiong.

Ate at E.A.T and slacked with Shawn and rest.

Later on in the afternoon, got taken to somewhere...

Which is Clementi Seoul Garden.

One by one came.

There was WeiLiang,HengHao,Christina,Estina,Andy,Dylan,YunZhen,BryanChoy,Gerry,GuanRong.

We ate buffet like piggies.

Had a giant ice cream cake to finish the meal.

I got quite some presents too.

Enjoyed my day and took the train home.

Thanks everyone for their time and presents and effort and wishes and everything!

I enjoyed my 18th.

Special thanks to Shawn for planning everything!

Insecurity

2011-10-29T00:44:00.000-07:00

I miss the feeling of being loved madly.

Anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, feeling quite sian.
Hope the rain stops so i can get out and walk about.

May seem like crap

2011-10-28T10:27:00.001-07:00

Only one and never two,
There is joy but sadness too.
So come what may and make do with.
Stop feeling blue and be happy too.

People come and people go,
There's the cycle of periods too.
So bear with it and get used with,
Else you'll be hurting like a fool.

~~vous inquiétez~~ chérir , 要开心。
You be sad, we be sad.

Light

2011-10-26T10:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, the something you see may not be around anymore.
It's like when you see a star with your telescope but it doesn't exist anymore because light takes light years to be reflected from the stars and into our eyes. During those light years, the stars could have died.
Same goes for some stuffs. They don't exist anymore.

The guilt that feeds my soul is here surrounding.
But hard truth is better than lying through the teeth.
I am prepared for these.
It takes time to tear walls down.
雨过天清.

Lost control

2011-10-22T07:45:00.000-07:00

Really spent more than i earned this month.
Expenditure was $650.
But $300 was club.
And i deposited back $220 only.
How did i spend really?!
Idk how and i can't remember.
So i should keep my wallet tight.

Time to stop spending on food, like seriously man...
I eat like a pig ! T.T

Honesty

2011-10-22T01:03:00.000-07:00

Don't look at what i have done in the past.
Do not let others nor the past affect your thoughts.
Look at what's in front of you.
Don't be afraid or be scared.
I am not who i was.
Be happy.

A song for the day

2011-10-19T10:19:00.001-07:00

I want to be a good person

2011-10-08T09:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday spent the night at Estina's house with Christina and Shawn, playing with dogs, watching movies and playing with kids in the morning.

Didn't head to work today.
Slacked around Jurong Point with additional company, LiMing.
Read some books at bookstore before heading off.
I read quite a few, but the most vivid one is " How to make love last".
I love to read books on self improvement and science.
They are always rewarding.
Envy my sister's relationship that is about 9 years long already.

Headed to find Keith&co and celebrate his birthday.

Got a call from friend about some problem. Like a sitting duck at the moment. Hopefully it's just a prank. Else, it's really going to be nasty.

Really sorry for causing unwanted worries.
At the same time i'm still worried about other stuffs.

Tomorrow, i must work harder to be a better man.
Not so much skiving, be more serious and hardworking.

Grim

2011-10-05T09:47:00.000-07:00

So there i was again, in the bathroom, having the feeling of puking.
That feeling in the stomach trying to purge whatever is inside out of the mouth.
That upwards peristalsis and compression of stomach and whatever is internally.
But all you get is excruciating pain and liquid in the tear duct blinding your sight.
Then nothing comes out.
You feel something at the back of your throat.
And you spit quarter mouthful of blood.
And the process repeats with decreasing amount of blood for about 8 times.
That's what i feel grim.
I'm internally screwed.

Words can't kill if the user held no importance

2011-10-05T08:35:00.000-07:00

Been ages since i blogged.
Hi.

Basically i spent my day watching Fright Night and slacking with Christina, Estina and Shawn. Pity Eileen didn't come cause she watched it before and is spending time with her boyfriend. Was a tad bit high at LJS from boredom. ADHC somehow, just couldn't keep my attention with the motion of every single movement from my eye span, disruption of every single noise around me.

Walked home at about 10pm.
Took the long way with a beacon of hope, hoping to see the 2 uncles.
And alas, i see one of them. the 76 year old one.
Getting close, he asked me to buy his bag.
Then i told him about the other day, then he remembered me.
Chatted with him and knew he didn't sold any today.
Thus, i emptied my pocket with whatever i had left, $10 only though.
Chat with him for around one hour and bid farewell, with worries on my mind.

My twitter couldn't be connected as it seems to say my data bundle had exceeded.
It was a 12GB bundle? I got home and checked online and with Singtel. Turned out it was a false alarm and error by Singtel. Heart died for a while. 1GB of 2g is like $2 i think? Idk. Don't care already since it was a false alarm. Worried stricken nuts for nothing.

During the moment of phone call while waiting for service, was browsing through blog when i saw two update. Read back to the post on moon, cloud, dreams and Hawaii. Just felt down. And maybe being jealous. Maybe paranoid of being a tad bite unusual today. But probably that is just me. I'm trying to keep no facade. That's how i am. I am pretty open. But i hold no ill intentions. Just feeling sad and jealous and worried.

I want undivided attention.
But i have nothing to present in return for that, except the same thing.
Such a useless lover.

Trying too hard makes one look like a fool

2011-09-28T10:52:00.000-07:00

Got to chiong portfolio these few days.

Nothing

2011-09-24T09:39:00.000-07:00

Spending more than i'm earning, my digits are dropping.
Rather expected that quite some time ago.
Time to tighten my purse.
And relax myself.
Being too blur these days.

Comprehend

2011-09-23T12:58:00.000-07:00

I'm being a murderer right now.
I can see that.
If it hurts too much, abandon ship..
I'm not worth it.
There's someone else waiting...

I can't take seeing you hurt.
I can't ignore what i saw either.
I'm trying to bring up the dimmed fires,
but i'm sinking into a quicksand too.

I'm going to end up with nothing like i always have been.
It's fine, cause i always miss hints and fail to ride the tide.

Well, it's actually better, i'm feeling really grim.

Jar of hearts

2011-09-22T08:41:00.000-07:00

I'm so fucking tired that i'm sleeping everywhere during prep interaction camp.
Reach school at 8.30am.
Thank you Joey for waking me up.
Slept for barely an hour and felt so cold.
Could do some warmth.

Hope things will be better.
Shadows bleeding through the light

One way traffic

2011-09-21T14:34:00.000-07:00

Damn it .
Time is moving forth and i'm staying still.

Crap. No battery to post. Bye.

Sentenced for life

2011-09-19T11:39:00.000-07:00

Guilt is for life.
I can never wash them away, it's all a part of me.

Visage with no facial expression.
Bind with the black void of solitude until the sun rises.

Listless

2011-09-19T10:18:00.000-07:00

So yeah i woke at 11+ am i think, and i stoned in front computer till 2pm?
Idk wtf i was doing, 9gag...reading news...thinking stuffs...
Didn't felt like going prawning but needed distraction.
So i went to prep camp at a super late timing.
I was supposed to be there at like 10am, but i went there at 2.30pm.
Hah.
Anw, had fun.
But i was going into state of blank every now and then.
Trying hard to not think too much.
I'm really tired.

The reason

2011-09-18T21:28:00.000-07:00

Probably 6 days already.
Either eating only half a dinner. Maybe bonus, half a lunch.
No appetite.
Can't sleep well, taking longer to fall asleep each time.
Waking up countless time.
Sometimes with a quick, sharp, sudden movement.

Been worrying.
Worrying that i will be walking off.
Worrying that i may be on the way to death too.
Worrying what am i do to.
But what i have been fearing has happened slowly.

Really couldn't fall asleep last night.
Woke up countless time.
Each nightmare was like an episode.
Each has a loss.
And i woke up from each one badly shaken.
Tired from all those nightmares, i stopped trying to sleep at 11am.

Don't feel like going prep camp or prawning.
Just don't know what i want to do.

Temporal thoughts

2011-09-12T10:42:00.000-07:00

This life is just 18 years down the road. (Okay not 18 yet)
There's still lots to do.
This life is temporary.
This Earth is temporary.
Everything will revert to where it came from when time ends, no doubt about it.
Got to know how to keep this life happy.
Worries are just what ties life down.
I'm not really sure why i am posting this, but i just feel like it.
So read it or close it!
Back to where i was.
I'm such a weird person.
I'm nothing, and yet i seek something.
Seeking something as nothing, whereas seeking nothing as something.
Life is a continuous process, seeking and working from something hard to reach.
That's where the kick comes in.
Oh wait, that makes me sound like one that likes things which are hard to get?
NO.
I don't really know.
Maybe it's just along the process of getting things, i found something else i want.
Meh.
Slowly.
Got to sort myself out.

?

2011-09-02T10:02:00.000-07:00

If i had a compass which would pin point me to the person i want to be with most, it would be going astray.
I am just like Jack Sparrow, i do not know what i want anymore.

hoist the colors

2011-08-30T09:39:00.000-07:00

Absence...
As if i lost touch with the outside world...

Distance

2011-08-29T11:00:00.000-07:00

Everyday just feels weirder and weirder.

Nothing less, nothing more. I will keep things as it is.

If i could, i would just carve my heart out and stash it in a chest. The key to it would be hidden. To prevent my heart to get to my head.

Pathetic

2011-08-28T13:28:00.000-07:00

Walk the plank.
Die fighting.

Incomplete

2011-08-27T11:25:00.000-07:00

Working at Takashimaya simply sucks.

爱情的发展已难以回头却无法往前走..

Trying to see the light at the end of the dark tunnel

2011-08-26T00:05:00.000-07:00

Don't feel like doing anything~

It's just magical

2011-08-23T09:10:00.000-07:00

Enjoyed today, i feel so much better. (:

Feel much relieved too when the HTI that was brought forward one week has been taken back again.
However, i feel bad to have pull out after telling Bryan i was fine with it.
Really feel bad.
But Banya suddenly threw us two workshop on Wednesday and Thursday. :/

I understand how hard it is to build back up trust.
I hope for the best that the wall built up, is low enough for trust to go over again.

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

I don't know what i'm really thinking

2011-08-22T09:36:00.001-07:00

Being confused.
Don't feel like talking much though i badly want.
I don't really know what i want.
What is wrong man!!!
Maybe i'm just stressed by things i have to do stopping the things i want to do.
And i think i vomit whenever i'm stressed, cause i just did.

ACM proposal submission - 24 Aug
23+24 +25 - dance practice
26 Aug - CF party dance
28+29 = weekend work
30 - Portfolio
31 - job training + chalet
1-4 Sept IT FAIR
Compulsory Guest talk by DSK SUPINFOCOM INTERNATIONAL CAMPUS on 21st September 2011

Mythosynthesis Datelines:
Parts 1&2 Due Fri, 2 Sept 2011 @ T3A31 from 3-5pm. (Sem 1 Week 17)
Parts 3&4 Due Fri, 25 Oct 2011 @ T3A31 from 3-5pm. (Sem 2 Week 1)
Creativity Game Datelines:
Prototype/crit Due Fri, 21 Oct 2011 @ T3A31 from 3-5pm. (Sem 2 Week 1)
Final Game Due Fri, 28 Oct 2011 @ T3A31 from 3-5pm. (Sem 2 Week 2)

Guess i shall not work this weekend if i'm still stress tomorrow.

Sigh.

Weird things happens daily, just that exceptionally more today

2011-08-20T10:40:00.000-07:00

One of the weird things that happened during work.

Lady approaches me with two kind of white Iphone4 cover.
Lady: Which one is whiter? I want the white white one, because my iphone white white.
Me: What the...which one whiter ah...? *randomly picks one* This.
Lady: You sure this one white white?
Me: Wait...let's go ask my colleague.
Me: Eh Steven, which one whiter?
Steven: Huh? Erm, *randomly picks one* This.
Lady: Sure this one white white?
Steven: Okay, then the other one.
Lady: But this one got black cover inside, don't know really white white or not leh?
Steven: Let this boy help you...*escapes*
Me: What..? Okay, i think the other one white white.
Lady: Okay... *goes to pay money*

Jack of all trades, master of none.
Who can daringly say he's knows everything of something.
New things pop out every now and then.
Who can really catch up with everything?

Once you start trying something, there's chances of you trying it again, someday.
I dare to try to win your heart because i won't have regrets trying and trying again.

Job well done

2011-08-16T05:03:00.001-07:00

First off, congratulations to my group, Oracion for having ended this final critique with flying colors. Oracion consists of Shawn, Yang Da and me. It has been tedious. We were slaughtered on our first critique. However, we turned the tables on the interim critique. And finally, we impressed with out final critique. It has been tough, but we made it. Sleepless nights the past week was worth it. Thanks for the hard work, Oracion. (Y)

Anyway, kind of worried with next semester's 3D game.
I'm not being judgmental, but the grades of team mates really worries me.
I believe the group can do it and produce works to impress though.
But i'm afraid i would cause displeasure attempting to lead and keep track of progress, and rejecting works to make way for improvised work.
Only time will tell.
We will make it, i hope.

I shall go and sleep now, and dream of what makes me smile.
It's been some time since i went out to smile.
And it's been quite a while since i had time to dream, needless to say, sleep.
Nights.

All the memories in the attic of my head ignited

2011-08-11T08:30:00.001-07:00

I'm reading something cause i forgot quite some stuffs already.
Really remembered lots of things..(':

LOL SHALL STOP READING ALREADY.
I'm feeling the sadness from the words going into my head.

The first few outings was fun to remember!

"Chuan dao qiao tou zhi ran zhi."
This was the quote that kept me driving for quite a long time.
Thank you.

Same blood indeed

2011-08-09T01:25:00.001-07:00

Wanted to go out.
In the end not going out le.
My sister knew i was going out, but later ask me why haven't go out.
I said not going out already.
She say must be girl cos i sian diao.
LOLS. HAHA! Funny sister.

Very sian to do my scriptwriting ! T_T

hugs surpasses pain

2011-08-06T11:14:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, i just can't help seeing the sadness hiding in your eyes.
Eyes speaks so much...
She's got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain.

Moment

2011-08-06T10:24:00.001-07:00

Just thought of a moment which made my heart ache some time ago.
Those tears.
Remorseful.

Damn, just a few days and it feel like eons.

Music brings emotions to life, life brings meaning to music.

2011-08-04T07:09:00.000-07:00

Got every right to wanna leave, you got every right to wanna go.
You got every right to hit the road and never talk to me no more.
You don't even have to call, even check for me at all.
Because the way i been actin' lately has been off the wall.

Most of it just ain't true and they won't show you how much of a queen you are to me and why i love you baby~

Are you a leprechaun?

2011-08-03T07:25:00.001-07:00

The pot is at the other side.
Only if you know how, then you can see it.
Else, you will only be wondering what is it.

/foreveralone
lonelybiscuit

Tired

2011-08-01T07:56:00.000-07:00

Maya is really eating my time, moving on to Banya's drawing while waiting Lecturer's reply.
Sian.

Sigh...

2011-08-01T06:54:00.000-07:00

Homework just can't be finished one sia.
Effing sian.
Sigh.
Jiayou...

Chasing pavements

2011-07-31T01:11:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since i last realized i dreamt.
Was a nice dream.
In the end i was being tickled on the neck by this silly person.
It's nice to see silly person smiling again.
It sucks to see silly being sad.
Anyway i woke up as if i was dodging the tickle in real life...
I really am so afraid of being tickled that dream became so real. LOLS.

Sian, hais.

Shall try to finish Maya by today.
Chiong arh...

Everyone can be anyone's someone

2011-07-22T08:52:00.000-07:00

Spent like a boss today.
Kind of feeling like..."This is spartaaaaaa!"
I wonder how much i spent...
Let me calculate...
Because i still am unsure..LOL.

Before going to class, i spent $1 on a bottle of 100PLUS.
After school, i had lunch, spending $4.
Later on, i went to Thai express.
I spent...$20.
After that played pool and Billard.
I paid $10 for Billard..
$15 for pool.
$1+$4+$20+10+$15=$50

Oh, i spent a blue note this time.
Okay, my spending is snowballing.
Hmm.

Anw, got a shocking hell.
Submission for MAYA has been pushed forward for like 3 weeks?!
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.
So now it's 5th Aug.
And, UDK's submission is on Monday.
Much undone. Textures, Mesh, Animation.
CAMPER MODE.

HERES SMTH FOR YOU ALL TO LEARN.
I have about 20-30 of the shortcuts in my head...
http://support.microsoft.com/kb/290938

The counter-clockwise clock

2011-07-17T07:57:00.000-07:00

I do not know what someone is thinking.
But i am thinking, that i will not give up now or anytime in the future.
My future is the future in which i can foresee, many years ahead.
As long as there is still a glimpse of hope, i will still be here, trying.
This may be pathetic, but i will not stop trying.

You could say this is my dream.
And of course, i don't give up my dream.
Then again, i could change my dream.
But this is the dream that i want.
So...DREAM ON!

Anw, just had a hearty 30 mins or more chat with an old friend.
He is my first primary school friend. Haha!
Got to eat, bath, and do my work.
What a sad life as he said. LOLS.

Still alive

2011-07-16T00:53:00.001-07:00

Just got myself Yong Tau Foo.
The uncle said i looked listless and unhappy.
I denied.
But he said i'm such a bad liar.
LOL. Oh well, i really can't lie.
He told me to stop thinking of unhappy things and just do my thing or think of happy things.
Okay, i shall eat my Yong Tau Foo :D

No Way Out, despite being self directed

2011-07-15T23:52:00.000-07:00

It's a Saturday.
Not working this week, but suddenly lost the mood to go out today after waking.(Lame)
What for am i feeling like this?!
But deep inside i'm dying to go out too. (Pathetic)
I can't lie to my feelings..
Shall rot at home today and do my work and be better tomorrow!

~~Nothing would happen even if i'm gone.~~

Anw, spongebob turns 25 this year!

退後

2011-07-14T08:57:00.000-07:00

So cold when i woke up today at 9.30am, that i just curl up on my bed, hugging my bolster and sleeping away.
Which means i skipped my UDK lesson.
The thing about it is the attendance. Out of 3 hours lesson, he only teaches 1 hour these days, from power-point slides.
So i stayed home...

So sleepy that i went to sleep at..6pm earlier?
And i suddenly woke up at 11.20pm.
Brushed teeth, bathed, ate.
Going back to sleep now..
I didn't want to wake in the first place.

I can't seem to dream anymore..
It's like losing the ability to do so.
I miss dreaming, dreaming of moments which makes me happy although it doesn't happen.
Hope i don't lose the perseverance to dream.
We all need to dream to get the best out of us, to do something bigger than we are, to get what we like, to fill up what we don't have, don't we?

And though we change, and though we grow, you're in my heart always, and always should you know

蒲公英的约定

2011-07-13T10:47:00.000-07:00

Woke up at 7.30am.
Brought my carrot cake to school as i had not enough time to eat at home.
Reached at 8.10am.
Ate at the desk outside class and went in to attend the GP lecture.
After that all, some GDD2 flash game groups were praised.
Oracion(My group) was praised too..
Glad it was a job well done.
Wasted my day playing in class and only discussing some game plans.

Went for AGM meeting and then AGM at 3.30pm.
Funny and still afraid of large audience as i took the passing down of HR as Sam just got in.
After that slack around..and went off with Christina, Andy and Shawn.
We played pool.
Woots, i am improving a little, but my fringe keeps disrupting my accuracy.
So i lazy to aim much and just bang~

Went to Clementi for dinner at Sumo House and saw my coursemates.
They jio me for dinner but i said i busy. Haha!!
Oh well. I have my reasons about what comes first :P
Went to the nearby new building to slack and walked down 20 storey after that.

While slacking, idk why i was gradually feeling down.
Deep inside, i just want to be more.
I know i can't just wish for something and i get what i want.
I know what i worked for may not fruit results.
But i just feel so insecure and dying to do more, to be more of a somebody.
Nvm, i'm glad i am able to spend time with who i like.
I'm just turning green-eyed after seeing how inexperienced i really am.
Meh.
Sleep and i'll forget all these tmr. :D

The one that plants the smile on me

2011-07-11T11:55:00.000-07:00

Stayed in Studio till 11.30pm.
But i managed to watch Incredible Tales on Channel 8!
How?
Through webcam. (:

I got $4.75 transfered to my account.
Found out it was my commission for 31st Apr and 1st May.
If i remembered correctly,
I sold one My Passport 1TB on that very Saturday, and i sold...*forgot* It's either 1 or 2 harddisc.
The first week was my worse week, selling 2-3 hdd only.
Now only because i'm not experienced, no one comes to CCK Courts to buy HDD.
Got information that May's commission is coming in this week.
Coolness, can't wait to see my first month's commission.

Presentation later as 11th group.
Time to sleep.
Time check - 3am

Your smile is like a hug

2011-07-10T07:31:00.001-07:00

Dear readers, heres a picture for you!
Smile more!

Squeak squeak, whose there?

2011-07-10T06:58:00.000-07:00

Got my sister's boyfriend this mouse.
"Razer Imperator".
How cool is that? I simply love how Razer name their mouse.

And i realised my mouse i'm using is quite costly.
I got it during an WCG Atlantica competition.
It's around $60.

Got to do my homework again, sigh.
~~I want to spend time with you..~~

busy, busy, BUSY!

2011-07-09T10:54:00.001-07:00

Weekends already, here comes work.
This time i'm working at JP again, but back to selling my WD HDD.
Commissions hasn't come in after 3 weeks.
I can't wait for it.
Although i'm not going to touch most of it, i can't wait to see it.
And it's irritating to know that my friend working for BROTHER got it in one week.

Helped my sister's bf buy razor mouse at a fairy cheap price.
This means I still owe him $175.

Flash project stabilizing and catching back already.
But i have no time to play with friends and spend much time with the one i enjoy to be with.
Kindda sad, and its fueling my thoughts of avoidance.
Because i'm filled with unworthiness, ain't i?
But i ain't giving up on these feelings!

PS: I have been engrossing myself with Jay Chou's songs lately, reading into his lyrics word by word. Maybe indulging in his sad songs are making me sad.

Clumsy

2011-07-07T03:55:00.000-07:00

Today, i deposited my first $1000.00 bucks.
You must be having this question in your mind now. "wtf, 1k siol, rich kid siol"/"pfft, flaunt"
My answer would be, "I work during my weekends, and the money is to pay my school fees. I'm not flaunting because i'm going to explain about how i got it."

SO....
I was in school just now with my 57, and after doing some work, we proceeded to FC5 to stop our hunger. I was penniless, thus i went to the ATM machine.
They were waiting behind me.
I used my left hand to cover the amount area.
My wrist covered the last button.
I pressed the last second button.
But then it wasn't the last second button.
Fug.
It's the button below "$50".
It's "$1000".
I was shocked and i turned back saying, "fug, i pressed 1k."
What a funny moment.

Anw, i sent back the "$1000" back to it's rightful place already, in my bank account.

PS:3 weeks left for UDK, and theres so much to do. Kind of shocked at the amount!

Dejavu

2011-07-06T16:39:00.000-07:00

Waking up, i thought it was 8.30pm, but in fact it was 6.30am!
No wonder no one was at home. -.-
Called my mom to ask her buy breakfast, but i called a wrong number accidentally.
And it landed up to be an Indian.
Why does my wrong numbers always leads to Indians!
Are Indians like overpopulating the number lines?!

Anw, omnomnom-ing two garlic cheese sausage and soya bean before doing what i was supposed to do yesterday before going to school. (:

I like what i'ad found, keep me around

2011-07-06T02:49:00.000-07:00

Timetonap,
then draw for my maya and carve udk again.

Love is about tr(us)t.

Wrong time, wrong activity

2011-07-04T08:05:00.000-07:00

The pencil in my hand, drawing circles on the paper.
I don't know what my next step should be.

Rain bouncing off the vermilion windows

My entire life on paper, messed up by the wind.
Dreams become faint in a faraway place.
The image of you drifting in the wind.

That smile is summer

2011-07-03T07:38:00.000-07:00

Another day of 10.45am-9pm.
During lunch ate minced meat noodle and carrot cake.
So sinful to eat so much.
Found out halfway during work that there is a promoter timesheet to sign in.
My friends and i never sign before.
Anw, just signed, so troublesome.

Released for walk and boarded the train at boonlay when i realised i forgot to sign out.
Jumped out before the door closed and returned to sign out and take back IC.
The cashier auntie holding the timesheet is so guai lan.
Always thought she had the kind auntie look.
Bloody facade.

My mother got me 3 siewmai, 3 cheese tofu, 1 chicken wing and one hot dog.
Eating once again. Fats.

I think i really must isolate myself to do my work.

Vicious cycle

2011-07-01T06:11:00.000-07:00

It's friday already.
When i was young i always wanted Friday to come.
Now i don't wished Friday to come so fast.
This week's working hours is 10.45am-9pm.
Thats a whooping 10 hours!

So much homework to do, hopefully they can all be finished on time.
I always feel tired out whenever it's the end of the day.

And that makes me slack and do work damn slowly.

Nowadays i seem to go in a trance

2011-06-29T07:39:00.000-07:00

Just read Xiaxue's blog, really interesting.
Yup, you can't trust someone completely, better to be safe than sorry.
I believe i can't be trusted either.
Not because i know i am not trustable, but i believe i can be tempted and do mistakes.

Was also thinking about "Am i a hongster?"
What exactly is defined hongster?
Being a flirt with girls?
But what about being nice to girls.
Just friends, but showing care and saying nice stuffs.
Well yes, i do those. But i don't think i am a hongster?
Of course i know the extent of the words i am able to say.
I do praise them about their looks if they feel down.
I do speak nicely to girls.
I respect girls more than guys.
Because most guys likes to be guailan to me. At least for my secondary school friends.
As for the minority of the guys, i'm just nice, but i don't over do it because it just, feels too much.
Guys can fend for themselves, if they need help, of course i would surely help.
Else, nah.
I really feel that i am not crossing the limits of being nice to girl, stepping into the boundary of being a hongster.
Why am i being said a hongster, and why is my first impression a hongster.
Sigh.
Ever since i have been constantly said, i have been talking lesser and lesser to all girls except one.
I have thus feel rather, bad.
But i need to ventilate the air around me.
I'm starting to feel like a hassle to talk to much to other girls because i don't want to be deemed hongster.

Oh, and one more thing.
I really need to be less shy.
You may think that i am a daring person, why would i be shy.
But i am shy. At least, for relationship stuffs.
And i feel like a useless bum.

Whew, really tired today.
I should sleep by 1am.

Lost of touch with timetable

2011-06-28T19:40:00.000-07:00

Falling asleep at 7pm, i woke up at 1am this morning suddenly.
Couldn't sleep, i end up reading news and playing a game before trying to sleep at 3am.
Couldn't sleep until 4+am...

I thought lesson was at 10am today.
But instead it was 8am.
And i woke at 10am.
I would reach school at 11am and lesson ends at 12nn.
Thus, i skipped lesson.
WTF!!!~ SIAN~

Anw, was reading newspaper.
There is this youth that loves playing games at midnight...
One day, he felt dizzy and fainted during work.
After he regained conscious, he vomited.
He went to the clinic to check-up but nothing was found amiss.
But when he left the clinic, he vomited again.
The doctor advised him to go to the hospital to check-up.
On his way there, he fainted and passed away.
WHUT?!
I have dizzy spells and i vomit very frequently, except i don't faint.
I hope i don't have the same problem and am playing lesser then before.
My condolences to the boy, and others, who died to gaming.

Etched

2011-06-28T13:22:00.001-07:00

I tend to remember so much events in my life, that it overwhelm me sometimes.
Of cause i remember that.
I have let you down.
I have let quite a few people down.
I have let myself down.
And everytime i feel like this, i'm remorse about letting my Grandma down.
Life feels like such a letdown for me whenever i feel that i have let anything down.

Play less, work more.

ineedtofeelhappy

Trust in yourself, that you will not exploit

2011-06-26T09:34:00.000-07:00

Today ate at Nihon Muza with Christina, Andy, Shawn and Kaiwen.
Ate buffet, played pool and playground.
Had buffet at Nihon Muza like last week with my sister and mom.
It was damn filling as we ordered too much. :P
But i managed to eat slowly and finished most of what i ordered.
I'm such a pig! :D

Received my new DBS ibanking token.
Now i don't need to go atm to check my transactions le.
Anw, i just found out how to withdraw $20 from ATM.
From the previous 2 tries, i thought those ATM machine no more $10 notes.
I'm such a mountain tortise! :D

Oh regarding my work, i did not work this weekend, thus i had the time to enjoy and do work.
It's about time i took a weekend's break.
And my IT show's pay hasn't come in.
I wonder how much it is.
I'm such an anxious pixie! :D

I have not done my homework.
Scriptwriting's pitching presentation is tmr.
Maya lesson in the noons.
UDK lesson on thurs, with rooms waiting to recarve and textures waiting to be made.
I'm behind time.

Lazy bug bit me

2011-06-24T11:34:00.001-07:00

I need to do homework.
I want to go out.
But i don't feel like doing either.
Sigh.
FML.

Suddenly thought of my p5 friend, Siew Hock, which isn't around anymore.
Wonder where is he if there is another dimension.
Is it a good life?

Why should i be feeling green..

Life

2011-06-13T13:52:00.000-07:00

Days just passing by

2011-06-08T02:08:00.000-07:00

Had PC show training earlier.
It was like a military briefing before war commence.
PC show 9June-12June.
Will be busy these days from morning to night.
So, i will be MIA once again.

Geez, i wished to faster grow up and get an apartment of my own.
And furnish it nicely, or maybe at least revamp the family house.
But i wanna stay in my own apartment, with someone i enjoy to be with.
At the same time, i also know i will be missing all these youth when i am older.
Shucks.

The letter, still in the same spot, untouched.
Will i ever have the guts and chance to give it again?
Or would it all be forgotten, lost in memories.

Sleep is the best medicine

2011-06-06T23:31:00.000-07:00

Was really sneezing so badly yesterday, but i am much better today.
BBQ was fine. Got to meet and chat with people.
PC show this coming Thursday to Sunday. Such a hassle cause i am working for it.
Got so much other stuffs i want to do.
Go out/submission.

no doors for entry?

Nightmare

2011-05-27T08:19:00.001-07:00

Had a nightmare.
I dreamt that i was travelling in the forest somewhere to destress with some beast.
But i didn't even like dirty places.
And i was super hyperventilating.
Then i tried to tell the beast to stop and head back but i forgot what it said.

We just kept travelling deeper and deeper.
And we were suddenly travelling down to a swamp.
Then in my dream i was like fuck, what am i doing here?
Then we got in front of the swamp.
The beast said we are going to cross the river.
Then i said it must be crazy, because the swamp is infested with dangers.

Then in my dream i did not want to cross at all.
Cause i would be courting my death.
But then the beast asked me to get onto its back and it would take me across.

The travelling on the logs were damn fucked up, with black congas emerging from the swamp.
They were everywhere, Good Game.

Then one of the black congas bite my arm.
Then i was like fuckkkkk shit.
Just when i thought i would travel across safely.
Then i felt the intense pain of the venom being injected into my bloodstream.
And when we got to the other side, the beast was panicking for me.
Means the venom is freaking deadly and i was going to die.
Then i was like super :(
Then after that the black congos came for us.

The beast fought with them and was bitten badly, and the black congos slithered away.
The beast died as the venom travelled to his heart due to his heart pumping vigorously while he fought.
I was still calm although in shock.
I took out a dagger with thoughts of stopping the venom from travelling to my heart.
I started to try to amputate my arm with the dagger.
I was super sad as it was my right arm, the arm i use for nearly everything.
As i cut, i was in deep pain.
It felt so real.
Then i got to the bone and it was super hard to saw with just a dagger.
I was sawing for quite some time with blood bleeding profusely.
My vision blurred and i lose consciousness soon after.

I do not know how, but there i was in the hospital.
They were saying i have barely less than half hour before i die from the venom.
And after that i lost conscious again.
And i woke.

That made me exhausted. :/
The dream seem so real, i could feel everything.

For the horror/gore that you have just read.
Heres a video to top it off.

Programs, more programs, turning into a program

2011-05-25T08:01:00.000-07:00

Keep having strong headache nowadays..
Feel as if i'm dying and not that young anymore...
But i'm not even 18 years old yet.
What the shyt?

Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered. No one was there.

2011-05-17T02:45:00.000-07:00

Was playing dota halfway when i heard shouting after my father went downstairs.
Was wondering if it was him.
My mom called me and said my dad quarrelling.
Went down to see this botak taking a dustbin, able to toss at my dad.
I punched it away immediately. And the madman got intimidated and back off.
Weakling.

Started scolding us, then my whole family scold the fuck out of him.
He back off and kept scolding.
Just seriously feel like beating him, keep scold my parents.
But he's mad and i can't do anything.
Luckily scold until he fuck off.
He stated a challenge with my father, to beat him everytime he sees him.

He dare to beat my family member, i will beat him first.

The matter will be put to rest as police look up to the severity of his mental illness.

You know that pain in the head ("brain freeze") you get when you get after drinking or eating something really cold? The medical term for that is:
SPHENOPALATINE GANGLIONEURALGIA

Eyes are windows to the souls

2011-05-14T07:19:00.001-07:00

Worked at Suntec's Careefour today.
The place was so deserted with hardly any customers looking for hard drives.
There were these two Russian with nice grey eyes.
Oh, I ended up spending time watching ip-man 2, avatar, and transformer:Dark of the moon.
Supposedly my work ends at 8pm, but i watched till it was 8.30pm without knowing.

And when i went to buy drink, the place was playing "Mai Hai Tur Pai".
Made me felt sad for a moment.

While going off, i saw Dinah and made a new friend.
Shall eat KFC now and do work after resting.

Do you like anagrams? Here are a few:
Funeral - real fun
President Bush - Burnished Pest
Tom Cruise - So I'm Cuter
Vegetarian - Ate in Grave
Desperation - A Rope Ends It
A Decimal Point - A Dot in Place
Justin Timberlake - I'm a Joke but Listen
(Anagramsite.com)

Just reading up on eyes because i love to observe eyes.
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=28939&cn=289

Every excess becomes a vice.

2011-05-10T05:47:00.000-07:00

Calm amidst the turbulence..

Late for lesson again!
But oh well, if i never late jiu won't be buying chrysanthemum tea le :D

Got to sleep earlier..

Next time, i will be my own saviour

2011-05-08T11:57:00.000-07:00

Just got stuck while doing Maya, so i shall sleep and do during break tomorrow .
If not, i may just get pissed and kill myself.
As for script-writing, i'm almost fine with the story line already.
So i shall ponder about it as i listen to music on train in the morning.

I do not know why do i still feel jealous even though i am out of the the league already.
Hais.
I really need to learn to let go faster over such stuffs.

Feeling no sense of direction.
The only thing i know is to get my GPA back up, attain more skills required, find more confidence and get more rest for my body..

Time check : 3.04am
It's time to sleep. Lesson is at 9am. Sigh.

Memory is the mother of all wisdom

2011-05-03T09:29:00.000-07:00

Not believing it, not believing in anything. There is nothing to make me believe and for me to believe in. I will just act as if nothing happened..

忍 is a strong thing, but my inner self feeds on the pain accumulated from the tolerance.
I need some relieve.
I could use a hug to fill the emptiness.
But, i don't and won't have any.

People change

2011-05-03T09:04:00.001-07:00

忍... don't lose yourself... 忍...

hell has no fury like a woman scorned, not

2011-05-03T08:36:00.000-07:00

Deep inside of me, there is a destructive self.
It is under locks since my grandmother's passing and angrophobia was created.
The lock is so special that no keys can unlock it, maybe except certain special ones.
Wonder what would happen when the menace gets unleashed.
Just hope a formidable nemesis will surface before it escapes.
Or , this avaricious and furious self would be purified as time passes.

Time-tight

2011-05-03T08:33:00.000-07:00

After discussing group work, ate at Marcus' dad place.
They were good host. Got to thank Marcus for the meal.

Didn't managed to buy a present for my friend's birthday.
Time constraint plus everything i see just doesn't seem to make the proper gift.
Maybe, the best gift doesn't exist in a solid form.

But like how my hypothesis went, it seems to be theoretically proven.
Swayed.
Time to kill feelings, and maybe, once and for all.

Kaching!

2011-05-01T07:37:00.000-07:00

Today was much better than yesterday, i sold 3 of 1 terrabytes hard drive.
But it was damn boring having no much customer, its a Sunday and yet today so little..
Spend time twitting, walking about, and talking to colleagues.

This Sam made me much stronger..
He asked why did i work so hard.
I said i am paying my school fees.
He said good, then do badly is waste my own money.
Then i was like..."OH YA HOR!!!"
Haha, so imma study harder! :D

Oh, there was this aunty who was looking for hard drive.
She came to me and i introduced my Western Digital hard drives.
Then one of her question was " So your brand is USB 3.0? I am looking for USB 2.0 hard drive."
I said Western Digital was the brand and yet she asked the same thing again later.
Like making fun of me sia...made me went wtfffff.
And she just walked off after i explained finish. ._.

Weekends = work

2011-04-30T07:51:00.001-07:00

Not an easy task selling hard drives.
Chanel visited me, haha, so nice of her.

Was listening to party rock for like 4 hours, then listening to Thai songs by potato?
Learnt some words from listening xD
Tmr, one more time.

Anw, one of the songs was this i think..

Conscious

2011-04-28T07:58:00.000-07:00

Mood can just change so fast.
Up and down like a roller coaster ride.

I feel quite sian sian inside leh.
Is it cause i am working and i have less time to spend?
Or by my feelings?
Idk sia.

I'm a piglet..

2011-04-26T19:47:00.000-07:00

I had headache and overslept again.
Not going to school today.
Pon ah!
Declare off day today myself but still do work at home.

This seems interesting.
‎#HappyPills; You've taken all my fears & reduced them to one which is losing you..

Accumulated stress

2011-04-26T09:15:00.000-07:00

Almost beat my friend just now because he is so fucking retarded.
Luckily the anger subsided.
If not i would have wasted my energy/fought.
Trying to not give a damn over what i have no say over.

I am an asshole.